The holidays can be some of the most unbelievably joy-filled times, and they can be the most unexpectedly painful times. Some people are engaged to be married and they are fawning over one another in the deepest throughs of love, while others are freshly broken up and wishing they could fast forward through to the “new year.” Some families are welcoming in a fresh new babe born as a gift to them and for the extended family to enjoy, while other families are broken apart, not speaking or have lost an elder that they would give anything they own to have back. Many people are living their first holiday season sober. This can be scary for the person in recovery, as for the rest of the family. Regardless of what the big change is in your life, you may need to do things a little differently and approach your holiday experience in a more graceful and gentle way. Here are 3 helpful ways to face your holiday experience when everything is falling apart.
1) Do something completely different.
You may choose to alter one specific tradition, or all of them together. Maybe you ditch the traditional turkey or ham and go out for Chinese, Mexican or Indian. Maybe you start listening to the traditional carols a month early, or maybe you keep the music off this year. Maybe some heavy metal sounds better than the sappy emotional crooner hits this year. Start a new tradition! Careful to remember though that traditions may link to memories. Maybe these new memories will overwhelm the negative memories for you. Many people find that traveling to a different location and getting away from familiar surroundings can be helpful. Whatever you need to do, that is healthy and safe for you and your loved ones, is just fine.
2) Engage in reminiscence
It has been shown in the experiences of many, in end-of-life care and those who are grieving, that engaging in reminiscence and life review can decrease anxiety. Families don’t always feel comfortable bringing up the loved one they have lost, but once one person starts, the memories start pouring out. Some cultures believe that, as we keep our ancestors alive in our hearts and in our conversations, we are keeping them alive in some way. This is a complex spiritual concept that you may consider exploring in your subconscious. When babies are born, your older siblings, parents and grandparents may find joy in reminiscing about the new parents' childhoods! Reminiscence and life review can bring about a feeling state that is identical to the moments we are remembering, which may alter our neurological makeup and shift our mood. Some may prefer to leave the past behind, so be cautious in conversation and find out what loved ones prefer.
3) Take a mindful moment & desensitize yourself from the big to-do
We tend to put a significant amount of pressure on ourselves to recreate the past. Traditions are important and valuable! Holidays have deep familial, religious, spiritual and identifying meaning behind them. However, when the pressure builds to recreate things to such an intense level that you are in a state of personal panic or anxiety, it may be beneficial to take a step back and become aware of what is really going on. The feeling state that is connected to the holiday is something that can be recreated again and again in a quick moment of meditation or reflection. Take a moment to realize that, if you can desensitize yourself from the big to do of the holiday, it is truly just any other day, month, year and gathering. You can use your intuitive abilities to work towards creating whatever you want. Do something new, reminisce, create new memories or try and care a little less by looking at the “big picture.”
A final thought: seek out the support you need to get through this time and navigate the season with a new thought. Things may feel out of control, and you may feel like you’re floundering, but you can take back control in small healthy ways to create even more meaning full times in the future. Who knows, this might be one of the better holidays of your whole life.
Comments